Suck it, Classic Literature! (And Top 10 Movies)
If there's one "rule" every writer will be beaten over the head with until falling punch-drunk, it's this: "Read, read, read." But what not enough people tell writers is that it matters tremendously what you should read. Your goals are just as important to the process as the quality and variety of books you read.
CLASSIC DICTION IS NO LONGER RELEVANT
The Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer is an item I've seen on just about every school's English curriculum -- and for good reason; it allowed literature to finally reach the minds of the common man in a language that wasn't strictly Latin or French. Regardless, take a gander at this passage:
“A knyght ther was, and that a worthy man,
That fro the tyme that he first bigan
To riden out, he loved chivalrie,
Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisie.
Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre,
And therto hadde he riden, no man ferre,
As wel in cristendom as in hethenesse,
And evere honoured for his worthynesse.”
That fro the tyme that he first bigan
To riden out, he loved chivalrie,
Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisie.
Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre,
And therto hadde he riden, no man ferre,
As wel in cristendom as in hethenesse,
And evere honoured for his worthynesse.”
No wonder the Pardoner spoke of gamblers, drunks, and excessive indulgence; what else was there to do? Books of antiquity were Gitmo-grade torture devices. Imagine having to not only write 80,000 words of that, but expect modern-day readers to comprehend and enjoy it. Here's a clue: books like that don't sell for, well, a number of reasons; not unless your reader-base is comprised of English literature majors and historians.
Know Your Demographic.
If you're writing a sci-fi or a fantasy, your readers are primarily looking for an enjoyable retreat from daily living. They want to find themselves immersed in another world. Effective immersion demands ease, meaning your diction must be simple and your story must flow. While your ideas can still be considerably large, they must be explained as if you were sitting around a bonfire with your closest friends, telling a story. You know that one friend in your group--the one who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "pillory"--, pretend that's your collective reader-base. Nobody likes having to reference a dictionary while they're enjoying a book, especially not the average reader of today. Trust me on this one, always remember: KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid).
After all, why make things difficult? Picking up a book and reading 80,000 is a chore on its own for most people. Try to make reading fun and accessible.
Know Your Demographic.
If you're writing a sci-fi or a fantasy, your readers are primarily looking for an enjoyable retreat from daily living. They want to find themselves immersed in another world. Effective immersion demands ease, meaning your diction must be simple and your story must flow. While your ideas can still be considerably large, they must be explained as if you were sitting around a bonfire with your closest friends, telling a story. You know that one friend in your group--the one who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "pillory"--, pretend that's your collective reader-base. Nobody likes having to reference a dictionary while they're enjoying a book, especially not the average reader of today. Trust me on this one, always remember: KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid).
After all, why make things difficult? Picking up a book and reading 80,000 is a chore on its own for most people. Try to make reading fun and accessible.
No wonder the Pardoner spoke of gamblers, drunks, and excessive indulgence; what else was there to do? Books of antiquity were Gitmo-grade torture devices.
Don't get me wrong, the classics are fantastic reads. None of this article should be taken as: "Don't read the classics." They're important pieces of artwork with considerable value, not to mention they pack some of the most noteworthy lessons throughout our history. Hamlet remains one of my favorite reads, but would I ever apply its style to an upcoming novel? Never. For writers who are mainly concerned with getting their books out there, and are actively searching for material to use as an example, the classics are a horrid place to look. I recommend reading any book from the past few decades or so. The writing styles in that selection are still mostly applicable to today.
A BONUS "ARTICLE" FOR SLACKING OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS
TOP 10 LIST OF MOVIES I ENJOY, BUT HARDLY ANYONE ELSE LIKES
10. Con Air (1997)
A parolee's plane is hijacked by criminals... also starring the greatest actor of all time, Nicolas Cage. If you're looking for nearly two hours of adrenaline-pumping action, explosions, Nicolas Cage in a mullet whilst speaking in a terrible Southern accent, and a stuffed animal meant solely for the hands of your precious baby daughter, then look no further than this 90's gem. Never has John Malkovich played a more convincing villain, and never has Nicolas Cage reminded me that he is, indeed, still crazy as hell. |
9. Tales from the Hood (1995)
A 1995 horror anthology film directed by Rusty Cundieff, and executive produced by Spike Lee. The film presents four short African American-themed horror stories, presented within a frame story of three drug dealers buying some "found" drugs from an eccentric and story-prone funeral director. This was the very first horror movie I'd seen as a wee child, and it remains a big part of why I'm obsessed with zombies to this day. The acting is garbage, but it's rife with racial tension and socio-economic issues that still apply to today. Plus, I think there's a cop that gets killed by having his penis grabbed literally from beyond the grave. So, that's awesome. |
8. Paranormal Activity Series (2007 – 2015)
After a young, middle-class couple moves into what seems like a typical suburban "starter" tract house, they become increasingly disturbed by a presence that may or may not be demonic but is certainly most active in the middle of the night. Especially when they sleep. Or try to. One of the highest-grossing, yet cheapest-made horror movies to have swept America by storm. Yes, it's cheesy, and the storyline is really tough to believe at times (or the families in these movies just started living on Earth one day prior to their haunting), but the suspense is nearly palpable throughout. And while there are many, many naysayers out there, whose knee-jerk reaction is to froth at the mouth at the mere utterance of the title, the Paranormal Activity franchise remains one of my all-time favorite horror series. I've seen every single one, and patiently await the next one next year. |
7. Land of the Dead (2005)
Land of the Dead finds humanity’s last remnants battling to survive the unspeakable truth: The ravenous zombie hordes besieging their fortified city…are evolving! Remember when I'd said how I loved zombies? George A. Romero is the king of zombie movies -- hands down. Take his raw skill of directing legitimately enjoyable horror films and add Hollywood stars, and you find yourself with this beautiful movie. Zombies are learning how to interact with one another, and they're ready to take down the last of humanity after the Z-pocalypse. |
6. Dawn of the Dead (2004 Remake)
A 2004 American horror film directed by Zack Snyder in his feature film directorial debut. A remake of George A. Romero's 1978 film of the same name, it is written by James Gunn and stars Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, and Jake Weber. The film depicts a handful of human survivors living in a shopping mall located in the fictional town of Everett, Wisconsin surrounded by swarms of zombies. Do you still remember that time when I'd said how I loved zombies? The '78 classic was much adored by many zombie fanatics, as it was not just a horror, but a satire of consumerism. To revamp the classic with early 2000's stars, effects, and gore just makes it that much better. Purists of Romero's work despise this remake, but I'll plop down with a 72-gallon Mountain Dew drink and a trough of popcorn any day to re-watch this movie. Rated 10/10 for zombies giving birth to zombie babies. |
5. Prometheus
Following clues to the origin of mankind a team journey across the universe and find a structure on a distant planet containing a monolithic statue of a humanoid head and stone cylinders of alien blood but they soon find they are not alone. I'm ashamed to admit that I have not seen a single Alien movie. But Prometheus had legitimately held my interest throughout its entirety anyway. At no point did I feel the need to have watched its predecessors in order to understand what was happening. It was full of sci-fi excitement from start to finish, and I look forward to watching the sequel if/when it ever comes out. There was one part that threw me off, though... I can't imagine a woman who has just given birth is capable of kicking any ass, much less the kind of ass that was kicked in this movie. It's just not possible. Too much pain. I don't know, Ridley Scott... not buying it. |
4. Click (2006)
A workaholic architect finds a universal remote that allows him to fast-forward and rewind to different parts of his life. Complications arise when the remote starts to overrule his choices. Adam Sandler spent much of his career developing some of the dumbest, yet funniest movies I'd ever had the pleasure of experiencing as a child. I still remember his comedy CD's my brother used to play -- I still remember every word to his diddy Piece of Sh*t car. Click, on the other hand, is nothing like his previous works. This is the story of a man who just wants to skip all the boring aspects of life, that is until he realizes life is everything that takes place between work and sleep. Sandler delivers a heart-wrenching lesson at the end, but it's one that everyone should learn if they want to be happy in a capitalist society. We all have to die at some point, and a piece of me died at the moral focal point of this movie. |
3. GoldenEye (1995)
James Bond teams up with the lone survivor of a destroyed Russian research center to stop the hijacking of a nuclear space weapon by a fellow agent formerly believed to be dead. Before the TV representation of Game of Thrones and Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, Sean Bean was busy dying in other movies. However successful the idea was on the N64, making it easily one of the most enjoyable first-person shooters to 90's kids everywhere, its favorability to film lovers wasn't so high. The script wasn't that great, but the effects and characters were charming. Oh, and Pierce Brosnan was the Bond. Get out of here already, Daniel Craig. The movie also starred a Russian hacker turned self-proclaimed "King of the World". Oh, Boris... you're just so... stereotypical. |
2. Gen-X Cops (1999)
The "Generation X Cops" are four young officers of the Hong Kong Police, joined together to fight against organised crime using all possible means, even if this would lead them to break the law... Their first assignment: eliminate a gang of criminals who have stolen a shipload of explosives. Granted, not a whole lot of people in my life know about this movie... so I suppose it's not fair to include it on the list. But hell, it's my list. What's better than a bunch of teenage cops using martial arts and unmitigated attitude to take down criminals in the flashiest way possible? Nothing, that's what. Rated 10/10 for non-stop angst and explosions. Plus, Jackie Chan makes a cameo -- how can you not like anything he's involved with? |
1. The Room (2003)
Johnny is a successful banker who lives happily in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiancée, Lisa. One day, inexplicably, she gets bored of him and decides to seduce Johnny's best friend, Mark. From there, nothing will be the same again. IMDB gave it a whopping 3.5/10, but I give it a 100/10. This is the movie that's so bad, it's good. It has everything: love, betrayal, friendship, betrayal, pugs on counters, betrayal, dudes playing football in an alley while dressed in tuxedos, and awkward foster children. Remember Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong -- and it did during every phase of this movie. Due to its huge success as a cult classic, however, The Room is now being screened across the country, and even produced an enormously popular book entailing the events of the filming. |
As always, thanks for reading. See you at the next Musing!
I wish you all the best,
-V.C. Remus
I wish you all the best,
-V.C. Remus
IF YOU LIKED WHAT YOU READ, CHECK OUT SOME OF MY BOOKS!
(BOXED & AUTOGRAPHED COPIES ARE AVAILABLE [PAYPAL] UPON EMAIL REQUEST AND INCLUDE A PERSONALIZED, HANDWRITTEN MESSAGE W/ V.C. REMUS WAX SEAL)
(BOXED & AUTOGRAPHED COPIES ARE AVAILABLE [PAYPAL] UPON EMAIL REQUEST AND INCLUDE A PERSONALIZED, HANDWRITTEN MESSAGE W/ V.C. REMUS WAX SEAL)
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