Keep It Simple, Stupid
June 8th, 2015
KISS me. That's right, I said it. No, don't actually touch me -- I want you to "Keep It Simple, Stupid."
You may have heard of this saying. If you're anything like me for a couple decades however, you haven't heard it at all. I'm a Millenial; not many Millenials do much beyond talk about the heydays of Pokemon, Dunkaroos, and in the same breath, complain about Baby Boomers ruining the economy. Irrespective of the considerable wealth our parents squandered, my brother is a chief resident in his hospital (someplace in the South), and apparently "KISS" is a common acronym in his line of work -- for good reason; if you cannot "Keep It Simple" in the hospital, then lives can be lost. Communication is paramount when it comes to medicine (duh). This article is about writing though, so the worst thing you stand to lose is time. Then again, that's pretty important, too.
There is a popular website out there in the sanctum of the internet. If you're a new writer, you should fear the mentioning of its name. It's not often seen, but shared among the cynical, downtrodden "veteran" writers whom, oftentimes, read a fellow indie's work, bash it, *cough* I mean, critique it, then very cleverly jest it should be submitted to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Before you go thinking this is a badge of honor -- it's not. First, let's address the obvious: Yes, this happened to me once. Secondly, go suck on every lemon in existence, random-Facebook-guy-who-probably-still hasn't-been-published; if I wanted an extra helping of snark, I'd go to the Wiener Circle on North Clark Street and get verbally stomped by a cashier for improperly ordering a hot dog. *Deep breath* I'm not bitter. W-why would you even think that?
I digress...
Regardless of whether you're against every other writing rule out there, keeping it simple is an absolute must. I don't care who your literary idols were; you're not Edgar Allen Poe, and you're definitely not Shakespeare. Why bother even trying to be somewhat like them? "Edgar Allen Poe" and "Shakespeare" already existed, so why waste hours imitating their writing style? Furthermore, their diction was fine for its time, but did you ever stop to wonder whether their formula would work today? There was a wonderful TED talk I saw the other night about Bill Gross, and all his startup firms he's encountered throughout his life. Some of his firms succeeded, others didn't. Why? Well, I still want you to watch his speech, but spoiler alert: timing was the single most important factor in achieving success, at least by his findings. You need to stay relevant; you need to evolve and adapt. If you plan on writing like Charles Dickens, guess what? You've already failed. Now, I'm not saying the classics suck (far from it, in fact) and don't have a place in this world, but their modern day imitations certainly aren't filling Barnes & Nobles across the country.
Whether you fancy yourself a young James Patterson and plan on writing the next Alex Cross series, or want to write in a style relevant to a historical period, I urge you to heed my advice: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Patterson makes it a goal to write in a personable, friendly, welcoming manner. He doesn't use complicated words, and he gets to the point.
Let's go over an example:
"Along her long and arduous journey, Meredith traipsed through the meadows, plucking hyacinths and reminiscing of yonder days."
In the wise words of Charles Barkley: "That's just turrible." (I don't know if he actually says this)
Instead, try something along the lines of:
"Meredith walked the meadows."
Wait a minute... hold the phones! That's such a lame replacement, Uncle Remus! You're a terrible writer! What happened to all the emotion? Where's the substance, the anguish?
No, stahp. You're wrong. None of that is true -- well, except being a terrible writer; that's subjective. Frankly, I don't care if you think I'm a quality writer either way, because some already do. But here's why Meredith's traipsing really sucked: Readers read books for interesting plot and characters. They read to be entertained. What readers don't buy are books written by pretentious writers whom overtly, shamelessly display florid prose.
Who Writes Like This?
Not beginner writers, that's for sure. Becoming a writer isn't unlike a baby with aspirations of being an Olympic runner -- you need to learn to crawl first. Pay your dues, accept that you're terrible at first, and persevere. Overly florid prose (AKA "Purple Prose") is commonplace amongst Sophomore-level writers, or rather writers who are easing their way into a more serious pattern. They've likely been writing for 2+ years, and may be reading the classics for inspiration. They're learning how to use an online Thesaurus, and often resort to the Guru Effect to one-up their frenemies (no, that's not a typo) whilst caught up in the heat of a political pissing contest on Facebook.
It's poor writing. Thankfully, it's fixable.
What's The Cure?
Well, here's my go-to answer: Read more. On top of that, write more.
No, it's not a lazy answer -- it's the only solution. A sure-fire way in losing the telltale signs of a sophomoric writer is by inundating yourself in the greatness of others.
In closing, I'd like to give you a quote from I think is the quintessential example of simple, powerful writing:
"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."
- John Green
As always, thank you for reading, and happy writing/reading!
-V.C. Remus
You may have heard of this saying. If you're anything like me for a couple decades however, you haven't heard it at all. I'm a Millenial; not many Millenials do much beyond talk about the heydays of Pokemon, Dunkaroos, and in the same breath, complain about Baby Boomers ruining the economy. Irrespective of the considerable wealth our parents squandered, my brother is a chief resident in his hospital (someplace in the South), and apparently "KISS" is a common acronym in his line of work -- for good reason; if you cannot "Keep It Simple" in the hospital, then lives can be lost. Communication is paramount when it comes to medicine (duh). This article is about writing though, so the worst thing you stand to lose is time. Then again, that's pretty important, too.
There is a popular website out there in the sanctum of the internet. If you're a new writer, you should fear the mentioning of its name. It's not often seen, but shared among the cynical, downtrodden "veteran" writers whom, oftentimes, read a fellow indie's work, bash it, *cough* I mean, critique it, then very cleverly jest it should be submitted to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Before you go thinking this is a badge of honor -- it's not. First, let's address the obvious: Yes, this happened to me once. Secondly, go suck on every lemon in existence, random-Facebook-guy-who-probably-still hasn't-been-published; if I wanted an extra helping of snark, I'd go to the Wiener Circle on North Clark Street and get verbally stomped by a cashier for improperly ordering a hot dog. *Deep breath* I'm not bitter. W-why would you even think that?
I digress...
Regardless of whether you're against every other writing rule out there, keeping it simple is an absolute must. I don't care who your literary idols were; you're not Edgar Allen Poe, and you're definitely not Shakespeare. Why bother even trying to be somewhat like them? "Edgar Allen Poe" and "Shakespeare" already existed, so why waste hours imitating their writing style? Furthermore, their diction was fine for its time, but did you ever stop to wonder whether their formula would work today? There was a wonderful TED talk I saw the other night about Bill Gross, and all his startup firms he's encountered throughout his life. Some of his firms succeeded, others didn't. Why? Well, I still want you to watch his speech, but spoiler alert: timing was the single most important factor in achieving success, at least by his findings. You need to stay relevant; you need to evolve and adapt. If you plan on writing like Charles Dickens, guess what? You've already failed. Now, I'm not saying the classics suck (far from it, in fact) and don't have a place in this world, but their modern day imitations certainly aren't filling Barnes & Nobles across the country.
Whether you fancy yourself a young James Patterson and plan on writing the next Alex Cross series, or want to write in a style relevant to a historical period, I urge you to heed my advice: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Patterson makes it a goal to write in a personable, friendly, welcoming manner. He doesn't use complicated words, and he gets to the point.
Let's go over an example:
"Along her long and arduous journey, Meredith traipsed through the meadows, plucking hyacinths and reminiscing of yonder days."
In the wise words of Charles Barkley: "That's just turrible." (I don't know if he actually says this)
Instead, try something along the lines of:
"Meredith walked the meadows."
Wait a minute... hold the phones! That's such a lame replacement, Uncle Remus! You're a terrible writer! What happened to all the emotion? Where's the substance, the anguish?
No, stahp. You're wrong. None of that is true -- well, except being a terrible writer; that's subjective. Frankly, I don't care if you think I'm a quality writer either way, because some already do. But here's why Meredith's traipsing really sucked: Readers read books for interesting plot and characters. They read to be entertained. What readers don't buy are books written by pretentious writers whom overtly, shamelessly display florid prose.
Who Writes Like This?
Not beginner writers, that's for sure. Becoming a writer isn't unlike a baby with aspirations of being an Olympic runner -- you need to learn to crawl first. Pay your dues, accept that you're terrible at first, and persevere. Overly florid prose (AKA "Purple Prose") is commonplace amongst Sophomore-level writers, or rather writers who are easing their way into a more serious pattern. They've likely been writing for 2+ years, and may be reading the classics for inspiration. They're learning how to use an online Thesaurus, and often resort to the Guru Effect to one-up their frenemies (no, that's not a typo) whilst caught up in the heat of a political pissing contest on Facebook.
It's poor writing. Thankfully, it's fixable.
What's The Cure?
Well, here's my go-to answer: Read more. On top of that, write more.
No, it's not a lazy answer -- it's the only solution. A sure-fire way in losing the telltale signs of a sophomoric writer is by inundating yourself in the greatness of others.
In closing, I'd like to give you a quote from I think is the quintessential example of simple, powerful writing:
"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."
- John Green
As always, thank you for reading, and happy writing/reading!
-V.C. Remus